Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
