he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
