is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
BRING THE BAGELS
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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