Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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