ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
