that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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