After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
