Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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