i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
