Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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