I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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