dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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