i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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