Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
