I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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