I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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