I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
