I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
