the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
