Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
