I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
