another moral hangover. fuck.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
