I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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