my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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