I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
