its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
