Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
