I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
