Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
