you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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