wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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