I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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