if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
FUCK WHALES
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
