Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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