We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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