Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
