i permit you to call me
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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