We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
