I wanna passion pit in your ass
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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