his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
