Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
