Kiss
Puke
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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