Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Duck Duck Cougar?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
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