He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
