Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
