why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
