I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
