He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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