I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
