so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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