my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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